Friday, April 6, 2007

Caption This

"Yes, let me try to explain thees one more time Meeess Nancy"

"You have theese two wires. One ees red and one ees green. Eeet ees very, very important to press at thee same time"

"At the same time Mr. Assad? Or do you mean one first and the other second"

"No Meees Nancy. Same time! You must press SAME TIME!"

"And should I have my unseasonable falling leaf scarf over my head, or fashionably draped over my shoulders, Mr Assad?"

"Who do I look like to you Mees Nancy?! I am not that Karl Lagerfeld man! I am Bakshir! Optomitrist and (alleged) murderer of Amir Taheri! You must press theee buttons Meees Nancy! Press them theee same time!"

"And tell me again what happens when I press the buttons...I seem to have forgotten"

"Ahhh, sacre bleau! You press theee buttons when you get close to Booosh. Then we will have regime change"

"Oh they're magic buttons then! Ooooh I so like magic buttons. They remind my of my coed days in the all girl dorm. Why there was this lovely young lass - talk about a magic button - who joined our floor when I was a senior. She was very impressionable, and I sort of took her under my...."

"Enough! I can't take anymore of thees. Just poosh thee buttons Mees Nancy!"

"She was blonde, and eager to learn....."

"Ahhhh why can we not find a man to do theees work?! Does anyone have John Kerry's cell number!"

"An Extra Visible Inch on My Pe***s"

How many times have you heard those words spoken in a product endorsement? Well ok, a lot, but that is just because you're spending too much time listening to under billing sports radio stations.

Check out this link to Amazon. Pretty good yucks.

Friday Morning Wine Blogging?

My intentions were good, and that is all that matters these days, right? I mean how many times do we hear people saying things like, "well yes, he robbed the bank, but he did it to feed his family", or "I wanted to help 42M people who don't have insurance with my healthcare plan, so the fact that it was a disaster means little in view of my glorious intentions"?

Or something like that.

The point is, I was going to fire up the wine blog last night and return to that practice previously popular here of Thursday Night Wine Blogging. And the fact is, I did pretty well; nice bottle of wine, Riedel glass, and over the course of two hours our so, I drank the whole thing.

So what went wrong? I was so busy doing some other stuff I didn't have time to write my impressions down. Lucky for you folks, my taste memory is nothing short of legendary and so this morning I shall fill you in on last night's enjoyment.

Bottom Line: Saint Gregory Pinot Noir 2005 is a heck of a good value.

The story behind this little baby is that some dude out in Mendecino inherited vineyards that his grandfather planted almost one hundred years ago. The dude, who's name is Greg Graziano, has now established 4 labels under which he produces 30 - 40 wines. How he does so with any consistent quality is beyond me, and I hold out the possibilty that the rest of his production is a complete nightmare. As for St. Gregs Pinot, I'm totally there.

The bottle cost me around $18 bucks. I'll admit going in that, despite the back label's claims of a "traditional burgundian winemaking method", I thought this was going to be another Cali fruit bomb as most of that state's production in this price range seems to be. As it turns out this really wasn't the case. Oh, I'll admit the wine was a bit more explosive than one might find produced in France, but the truth is that it demonstrated nice fruit, solid earthiness typical of European approaches and a subtle oaking that made the whole thing come together nicely in the mouth.

This is not a sophisticated wine for aging in the seller, nor is it richly textured. At $18 bucks though, it is a solid choice that can be paired with any hearty meal.

Wednesday, April 4, 2007

Global Warming = China Syndrome

Oh no! Look at the cute little bears! Why they're in trouble...their home''s......


And all because you prefer to motor your way through life, belching carbon, smog and God knows what else into our precious ecosystem! Bad person! Very bad, bad person!

But wait what is THIS.

Well, apparently it's a friggin' lie folks, fed to the fawning media by that bloated wonder Al "The Goreacle" Gore. Read the story. I don't want to spoil anything for you, but it turns out that ice tends to melt in August, and that polar bears can swim. My guess is they'd find Al's bloated carcass pretty tasty too, which would do nature more net good than his ridiculous crusade.

I can't say that any one thing convinced me that the global warming "crisis" was a load of crap, because it was really the sum total of all the goofiness that surrounds the crusade. It's the campaign for government dollars to finance studies, the call by poor countries (read dirty polluters) to put economic constraints on rich countries, and of course, the enforced group think around the global warming elite.

But how did I decide that Global Warming was this decade's China Syndrome? It was when this song, this awful, awful song won an Oscar award. Can anyone listen to this nightmare of a tune and tell me what Oscar winning song in the history of the Oscars was worse? Of course not, because a worse song simply does not exist.

I mean really look at these lyrics:

And as a child
I danced like it was 1999
My dreams were wild
The promise of this new world
Would be mine
Now I am throwing off the carelessness of youth
To listen to an inconvenient truth

"As a child I danced like it was 1999?" What the hell does that mean! "Now I'm throwing off the carelessness of youth to listen to an inconvenient truth"? This is the stuff of Oscar winning songs? My bet is that the only person who listens to this song is Al Gore while he preens in the mirror and says all those comforting words that the shrink gave to him to get over "The Loss".

Oh this song has it all preachy lyrics, hopelessly ridiculous rhymes, and of course the natural presumption that if one doesn't agree then one is either stupid, asleep or evil. Most likely all three.

What this world needs is not another folk singer, croaking out a song about environmental science that she can't possibly begin to understand, nor do we need a bloated ex-veep with too much time on his hands. Nope what we need is a good cold snap so that these folks can go back to worrying about THIS.

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Damascus Nancy

There she is, in all her glory! The new leader of the Democratic party! One day she is demanding U.S. surrender, and the next she is sucking up to a terror state.

Well played! Well played Damascus Nancy!

A query. Why the falling leaf motif? Is this some sort of signal to her terror masters, or was she just to cheap to get something more seasonal, say tulips or robins - I suppose the Easter Bunny wouldn't go down very well over there. Because it's one thing to sell out your country, but to do so in such poor style, well frankly I think we deserve better.

Then again, communists never were much on fashion were they?