Monday, April 14, 2008

Limp D*cks

I think the pharmaceutical industry is out to get me. In fact, I'm pretty sure of it.

When prescription drug advertising first started showing up on TV, I was all for it. Of course there were your typical objections from scolds who try to control everything. They'd say that the drug companies were spending to much money on advertising, and inflating the cost of the drugs, or that patients were pressuring their doctors to give them prescriptions for drugs that they really didn't need. My view was that this was an excellent way to get information to folks that needed, and if doctors didn't have enough back bone to say no to patients wrongly influenced by a TV ad, then they ought to turn in their license and become chiropractors.

Now, I'm not so sure. I can't say when it happened, but one night a chilling thought came into my mind: What if the drug companies were inserting subliminal mind control messages into the ads? You know, where liquor companies used to supposedly place images of nekked women in ice cubes to convince you to buy their hootch, what if the druggies were somehow doing the same with their products?

"I don't know exactly how they'd do it, but I'm sure it could be done", I thought.

And really, it be simple. In the high blood pressure ad, maybe a silent to the conscious ear sound of the heart beating faster and faster. Or in the sleep aid add, a quiet suggestion that you can't seem to stop thinking long enough to fall asleep. Really, it'd be diabolical. In the frequent urination add they'd have quick micro flashes of a crashing surf. In the ED ad, a flash of a nekked Rosanne Barr.

The more I saw these adds, the more I couldn't get it out of my mind. I became paranoid, convinced that the pharmas were out to get me. "I wonder if they have a drug for that", I caught myself thinking!

I began to watch these adds more closely, I just new I could find the message if I was vigilant.

But then something happened. Specifically, the Cialis people.

Have you ever seen these adds? For the most part they're 50ish sort of couples, who are generally fit, reasonably attractive and hungry to do the horizontal mambo. Only problem is that the big can't can't rise to the occasion.

Fair enough I thought, this happens to folks, and it's good they've got something to help them. Although, I did wonder about the black man whose faucet erupts during some smooching - was his problem different?

Anyway, as I watched these ads, I realised something about these Cialis couples and while I'm no doctor, I really think I can help them. So listen up folks.

If you want to have sex, you need to be in the same bathtub!

Have you seen these folks? It's no wonder they can't ever get 'er done! They're so busy dragging heavy, cast iron, claw foot bathtubs all over God's green earth, there ain't no way Daddy's gonna be able to get a hard on!

And that my friends is what I think the basic problem is with these folks. They're so busy over thinking the process, that after all the prep is done for their elaborate scenes, all they can really do is soak their tired muscles in the tub, watch the sunset and think about what might have been.

So my advice to the Cialis folks is pretty simple. Put the ED drugs away, and take some hints from the kids in the Abercrombe ads.

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