Monday, January 21, 2008

Breaking Business News

In an ongoing effort to cut costs, Quiznos announced the first hiring of a Zombie spokesperson today.

"We're quite pleased with the prospects of the campaign, as the walking dead are willing to work for pennies on the dollar while our competitor is contractually obligated to fork over gazillions to that ex-fatty Jared" said a Quiznos spokesman. "It is a well established fact that the rotting bodies of the undead, while clad in Brooks Brothers business casual attire, can be perfectly presentable while requiring only a fraction of the sustenance that the bodies of living, breathing spokesmen spokesmen require. We expect to be well rewarded by investors who recognize our sharp focus on expenses and our robust bottom line"

Informed that the Zombie diet is primarily the brains of living humans and NOT toasty deli sandwiches, the Quiznos spokesman responded, "We'd prefer it if folks would focus on our new healthy menu selections. Obviously, we'll adjust our approach as we get more feedback from consumers"

In other news, those two other guys in the picture were found dead in their hotel rooms shortly after the announcement. Quiznos, had no comment.

UPDATE: Perfect candidate for new Zombie spokesperson found! No word on Alice's availability yet. Developing....

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