Saturday, August 5, 2006

Why That A-Rab Boy Sounds Like A Sissy

Note: I wrote this a few days ago, and then accidently posted to the wrong site. Needless to say I was deeply confused when I couldn't find it on my blog! At any rate, here, slightly delayed, are my latest deep thoughts.

Sorry Trumpet!

When I went back to my high school reunion I had a somewhat unpleasant experience that Mrs. P found quite amusing. To this day she mocks me relentlessly for it.

You see, in the course of 10 minutes, two ex-class mates came up to me to remind me of the time I beat them up. The weird thing was they both quickly followed their stories with the words, "You know, I deserved it". Even more weird was the fact that both in one way or another kind of thanked me for popping them. It was a bit disorienting since I really hadn't thought of either incident since the sting from my hand hitting their jaw disapated.

I don't want to give the wrong impression, I wasn't a bully in high school at all. In fact I was fairly well liked. It's just that I did have a temper and a willingness to engage in a brawl sooner rather than later. I always found the best way to deal with those that talked a big game and threatened the weaker kids was to take them at their word and engage in some pre-emptive punching.

So today I view the nut jobs in Iraq in much the same light. Whether it's President Amadinejad talking as he did today about "the main solution", Ayatollah Khamani (the moderate!), or the Supreme Leader (does he get a cape?) Khamenei, I find them terribly entertaining but I can't fully enjoy their performances because they're so committed to obtaining nuclear weapons.

What does this all have to do with my high school experiences you ask? Well the truth is that high school is very much a small, hormonally enhanced microcosm of the real world. We can learn from our experiences there, and apply them to the real world as adults. One of the lessons I took away from high school is that bullies and big talkers are at their hearts cowards who really need their nose bloodied but are too afraid to go out an ask for it. Years later, after you've done the deed, if you've done the job well they may even thank you for your efforts!

I've long harbored the view that Islamic fanaticists are, much like my high school bullies; they're cowards. Life hasn't been easy for them, they've never accomplished much and they're troubled by the realization that they just don't add up. So they attack innocents. They hide out among civilians, and Bill Mahr's claims not withstanding, they commit cowardly acts like flying planes into office buildings.

Every now and then they slip though and show their real face. Iran's supreme leader did just that today. I quote:

'America Can Expect a Resounding Slap and a Devastating Fist-Blow From the Muslim Nation'; Hizbullah is the Muslim Nation's 'Front Line of Defense'; 'There is No Way to Confront... the Zionists... and the 'Great Satan' Except Through Martyrdom'

What a pussy! A resounding slap? Oooooooh I'm really, really scared! As if that wasn't enough, the old codger then seems to realize his mistake and tries a bit too hard to reinforce it with, "a devastating fist blow". Fist blow?! Oh no, maybe a mighty foot kick is next! Look out Great Satan!

I realize that we've got to take these people seriously, but it is awfully hard to do when they insist on acting like this. This man is not even worthy of a good pop on the chin. In fact what I think he needs is a swirlly. Lets send the JV team over to do the job.

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