Wednesday, May 3, 2006

The Teeth Were Bad Enough....Now This?!

I could deal with the bad teeth. I mean the truth is we Americans are undoubtedly obsessed with personal appearance and our cultural tradition of slapping braces on every child prior to their 11th birthday has probably reached unhealthy proportions. Really, who cares if a person's teeth are a little crooked? Certainly our English brethren don't.

But this my friends is beyond the pale.....or the bowl as it turns out. Words fail me, so I'll let London's mayor, "Red" Ken Livingstone inform you:

"London Mayor Ken Livingstone lifted the lid on his toilet habits, saying Tuesday that he hasn't flushed in 15 months, according to wire reports.

Livingstone said there was "no earthly reason" to bother if there was just urine in the bowl.

The mayor urged Londoners to waste less water when getting rid of their own waste, advising gardeners to fill up a bucket and hurl it on the plants as the region around London suffers its worst drought in a century.

"If we continue to waste the amount of water that we do, London will run out of water," Livingstone, 61, said."

Red Ken, seen above keeping his kidneys full of liquid, raises a few questions along with those lattes. The first, and frankly most disturbing one is this. Why, after 15 MONTHS is his bowl only full of urine? I don't want to get too personal here, but have his bowels completely shut down? If so, I recommend he take advantage of that marvelous English public health system we always hear about!

My guess though is that Red Ken's bowels are working just fine. Look at that face. I'm not clear on when the picture was taken but he sure seems happy. If he were in the midst of a 15 MONTH BOWEL STOPPAGE I'd expect to see more of a grimace, if not some good old fashioned writhing in pain. We've all heard of the stiff British upper lip, but come on, the man is human after all.

So I suspect something else is awry here.....something very liberal. Ken is nicknamed "Red" Ken for his supposed liberal leanings after all. Lets think, what do we know about liberals, hmmmm........

Well we know they like big government solutions right? Probably not much to go on there. Ok, well we know that they love mis-guided environmental policies, and while this certainly is one such example, it still doesn't explain the Case of the Missing Poop. Hmmmm.....what could it be.

Ah ha! Liberals believe in sharing! The old from each as he is able to give, to each as they need right? Well, I think if we talked to some of Ken's fellow Londoners they'd tell us that the man is full of.........well lets just say he is full of "it". Ok? So, he certainly is able to give, and my guess is he is "giving", in locations that are not his own bathroom!

Imagine the horror then of being this man's friend. Cue dream sequence music.......

"Honey, someone is at the door, who is it".

"Why it's Ken again dear"

"What's he want at this bloody hour"

"Says his toilets stopped again"


"Yes, again. He want's to borrow ours oh dear, and he's got the Times with him"

"Well alright then, but perhaps we should suggest he try something other than bangers and mash for lunch".

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