Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Apologies to Laura Ingraham for paraphrasing her book title, but somehow I don't think she would mind.
Today, for what seems like the millionth time, we're treated to the spectacle of yet another hapless "official", this time a military guy, telling us Osama is sick and seeking medical attention. These stories which have taken on the feeling of an urban legend are all very similar in that they imply some near-term certain doom for America's Enemy Number 1, and are generally based on an unstated intelligence source. You know, the same intelligence sources that told us the Soviet Union was no where near collapse, or the same ones that failed to prepare us for 9/11.
I can't take this anymore.
Do these guys not realize that stories like this just put the exclamation point on their own incompetence. I'm sorry, I realize it must be hard to track a guy around the world, but it has been four years! Not only has it been four years (1,462 days to access satellite, spy plane, and ground reconnaissance assets), but we know the region of the world that this guy is hiding in. Hell, I could have found bin Laden by now with nothing more than a mule, some c rations, and a case of good ole American greenbacks.
But noooooo, instead we're treated to "leaks" about bin Laden's declining health, about how we're closing the noose, or about any number of other fully ridiculous propositions that we all know are nothing more than empty words.
You want to know where bin Laden is boys? Because I can tell you. He is in Iran, and he is not near death, nor is he at the center of our our noose. He's got a harem of Iranian babes (assuming such a species exists), he's lovin' life and I assure you that he is planning more attacks. So get crackin'.
This is not hard. Pay off some of his murderous compadres to get his location, send in some commandos and kill the guy. Kill.......him........ now!
Oh, and by the way, until you accomplish this please shut the hell up. Because you look like fools.